This odd process is the bane of my life. It can strike at any time, with no warning and can last anything from minutes to weeks.
Switching is my name for an emotional 180, I can go from perfectly happy to depressed and almost suicidal, or furious in seconds. There is no trigger needed. I can sometimes subdue it, or make it appear less than it is actually affecting me, but only once have I ever been able to force myself to switch back, and that was with a good deal of support.
Last night was a prime example. I have (as I've written in previous posts) been happy and content for a couple of months now, hardly an incident in between and things have been looking up. At 12pm last night I switched. I withdrew to myself, shut people off and the storm clouds formed. I could only think of the bad, had (in my mind) no one to turn to for protection against myself and grew extremely paranoid. This misery continued for 5 hours, then faded out, leaving me exhausted but glad it was over.
In situations like that it's hard not to panic, I don't trust myself to be safe, and having no faith in yourself is one of the most frightening feelings in the world x
