Training..

Both in work and out of work, i am a trainer. In work, i am a new starters first port of call, to guide, to teach, to uphold standards and make sure everything is done safely. Out of work, i am my horses first port of call, for all the same reasons. I am frequently told i am good at what i do. My problem is i have no faith in myself, i find it difficult to believe i could be good at anything. I enjoy what i do, watching someone learn, gain confidence and suddenly realise they can do whatever task is set is my job satisfaction. Again, ditto with the horses. However, i find communicating with someone who speaks english more difficult than communication with a being who has no knowledge of language in the traditional sense. I shut down in certain situations, and i am faced with one such situation at the moment, if i want to continue doing a job i enjoy. Il freely admit, im already in a panic over it. I want to pull out and give up my job. But at the same time i feel resentful that i should be under so much stress to prove i can do a job im perfectly capable of doing, and have already earned once. Nothing should make me feel as bad as i do, as frightened as i do at the moment. I can feel my more aggressive side kicking in, demanding that i not give in, to prove myself worthy of the task. I can teach, and teach well. I Proved it to myself this morning. I went to my yard after work, tacked up my young stallion and took him for his first official ride out.